“Everybody made fun of me, they compared me to everybody and called me worthless. I remember when they were shouting nobody should save in Naira and were applauding that stupid bungee jumper called dollar. How is it my fault if the dollar is rising? I don’t know where he’s always running to. Anyway, it’s my time to shine now. Everybody will see pepper,” Our new found gold, Mr. Nigerian Naira says in an exclusive interview.
Digi: Welcome to another episode of Digitalks and today, we’re in New Naira’s house where we hear directly from the horse’s mouth.
New naira: I’m not a horse please, it’s like you want to trek back home.
Ah, Sorry. Let’s start again. Today we’re seated with the new Naira to have an in-depth conversation on what is really going on and why he has chosen to hide from Nigerians.
Can we cut to the chase, I need to keep it moving. I’m only here out of courtesy. These people must not find me.
Why are you hiding?
When my birth was announced on the internet, everybody was laughing. They all ridiculed me and called me fake. They decided that they were not going to take me seriously before I was even born. They wanted to render me useless like they did my brother, Old Naira; constantly putting him down. This is my shot at revenge.
Did you consider that it wasn’t you being laughed at, but the government?
How hard is it to figure out that my existence was born from the need of scarcity? Old Naira was everywhere, moving from house to house and disgracing our family name. I was born to redeem that, to make people need me and remind them of what inaccessibility feels like. I was born to pick my family’s name from the gutters and find a way to compete with dollars.
Nawa o. How were we supposed to figure all that out?
It can’t be me you’re talking to with that tone.
What can we do like this? God abeg.
You’re asking me? Me? So I still look like I care? If all of you don’t go outside and vote on the 25th I’ll keep resting here and enjoying myself. It’s really my concern. Please come and be going.
*Fuel comes out of the bathroom tying a towel.
Rachel is your favourite gen z artist baby, who spends the time she's not on set laying on her bed writing and dragging people on the internet.