If you have ever had a hard week of receiving breakfast, buying data and still begging for proper network reception to stream sad songs with, then you’ll understand why we are talking about these evil people on this DigiTalks episode.
Apparently, Nigerian network service providers seem to have a lot of similarities with Nigerian men and we are here to point them out. We’re using colours so that they don’t sue our parents.
Green + White: The toxic on-and-off Yoruba man
Zodiac sign – Gemini
Love language – Gift giving and lying
You know those men that will spend weeks telling you that they love you and sending you gifts that their exes gave to them, and when you finally fall in love without the ability to get up, they suddenly become busy?
Tunde, didn’t you have a job when you were toasting me? Why are you always in a meeting and unavailable, who are you meeting? The moment you start getting tired and want to leave, they bombard you with love again and you’ll simp again. This will end up as your routine.
Yellow: The sweet and thoughtful unarmed robber
Zodiac sign – Cancer
Love language – Quality time and acts of robbery
These are the ones that will constantly be there for you and reply before you even text. They are also the ones that will ask to open a joint account but will not join funds. Tell them that you’ve lost your job and they’ll be in front of your door, ready to console, hug and tuck you into bed but will carry your fridge when they’re going home.
They carry guns.
Green + Black: “I don’t want to date you but I want you to be obsessed with me”
Zodiac sign – Taurus
Love language – Words of affirmation and problems
Think about that your sneaky link that keeps trying to be more than your sneaky link but doesn’t really want to be more than that. They don’t just want you to like somebody else. When you liked him, he was shouting he wasn’t ready for commitment and the moment you moved on, he started yarning that he had changed and wants to marry you. Even if you change your name from Femi to Gerald, we still know the real you!
This is a network representation of those guys.
Red: The Queen Elizabeths
Zodiac sign – Scorpio.
Love language – Vibes and couple goals
These are the surface level boys, the ones you carry as your handbags but don’t know like that. The only thing you know about him is that he’s gorgeous and you like looking at his face. He doesn’t do much. All he does is smile and do advertisment for his body.
You’re probably confused about which of these to use after reading this. But the same way you settled for Malik is the same way you’ll pick the network you want to suffer with and keep pushing. We have tried for you. We cannot lead you to the stream and carry your pail for you or however the saying goes. Byeee!
Rachel is your favourite gen z artist baby, who spends the time she's not on set laying on her bed writing and dragging people on the internet.